Mikey and the Chocolate Factory
by elfox15
Summary: This is my first story on here. It's basically about City Hall winning a trip to a magic chocolate factory like Willy Wonka's.
1. Chapter 1

**Mikey and the Chocolate Factory:** A Spin City Story By I-am-E.L.F

A/N: This is my first Spin City story. And this takes place in season three. Oh yeah. This is a take on those Willy Wonka movies if you haven't already guessed. Enjoy!

* * *

Michael Flaherty was in his office, writing something at his desk. Michael was the deputy mayor of New York City who felt as though he held City Hall together and does everything right. Paul Lassiter, the press secretary, walked in.

" Hey, Mike! Can I ask you something?" he asked.

"Please, Paul," said Mike, who was already annoyed by Paul. "I'm very busy right now. Mike was drawing two stick figures. One labeled "ME as Ultra-Mike" and the other "Pretty Girl."

"How come no women like me?" questioned Paul.

"Now Paul," said Mike trying to care a little, "there are a lot of women out there, but none of them are…" He looked at Paul. _My God, he's fat_, he thought. _Why'd I hire him in the first place? Uh-oh. Better say something. _"…into guys who are obnoxious or fat."

"COME ON!" Paul shouted. "I'M DESPERATE HERE!" He then took two doughnuts and ate them.

"What about Claudia?" asked Mike. Claudia was the "lucky" woman who married Paul.

"Oh, yeah, her," said Paul, "well, she was happy to be with me, but after I stole and wore her make-up, she's started to dis-like me and moved out."

"Whoa, Paul," said Mike, who got out from behind the desk, " 'Dis-like' is such a strong word. I'd go with 'hate.' Now, please. I don't want another guy to come in here and ask me about women."

"Mike!" shouted the mayor who barged into Mike's office. "How come women don't like me?"

"I'll help you, sir," said Mike as he and the mayor walked away leaving Paul in Mike's office speechless and single.

SPIN CITY 

Chapter 1

Back at City Hall, the morning meeting was taking place.

"…and now because of that incident, urinals are now under surveillence so they can be used for peeing only," said Mike, sitting on his desk while everyone else listened.

"But Mike," whined Stuart, "how am I going to be able to play potty pranks on James and laugh my ass off?" Stuart was a huge pervert at City Hall (as well as the rest of the world) as well as the negotiator.

"That was you? Oh. I thought the toilet monster was out to get me," said James. James was the gullible, yet lovable (sorta) speech writer for the mayor, and he was from Wisconsin.

"Moving on," said Mike, who didn't want to hear anything about toilets for the rest of the day. "Too many people are on the phone today when I need to make important calls, and I'm sick of it. That's why from now on, only the mayor and I can make personal calls, while everyone else may only make business calls."

"But Mike!" whined Stacey, "what if my brother needs a bail out of jail for killing a cop and two dogs?" Stacey was the Italian Brooklynite who was Mike's assisstant, but she had a problem with her family (i.e. brother goes to jail a lot.)

Everyone stared at Stacey as if she said something wrong.

"Or something like that," she said quickly to cover up her question.

"No personal calls, and that's that," Mike said.

Everyone groaned and made bad comments.

"This sucks," said Stuart.

"I don't believe this," Paul said.

"WISCONSIN RULES!" yelled James.

"Okay, meeting adjourned," said Mike. Everyone left except Nikki. Nikki was the red-headed secretary at City Hall who had a crush on Mike, but he didn't know.

"What are you still doing here?" he asked.

"What? Can't a woman stay in here because she doesn't want to be surounded by idiots?" she asked. She looked outside to find Stuart, Paul, and James playing "Keep Away" from Carter. Carter was the black, gay guy who always talks about morals who happens to work in minority affairs. Stuart, Paul, and James were throwing Rags, Carter's ugly excuse for a dog who always wants to kill himself, around like a football. Carter kept chasing the four of them around.

"Come on, you guys!" shouted Carter. "You're acting like children!"

"Hey, Paul!" said Stuart. "Go long!" He threw Rags in the direction of Paul, but James tripped him and they both fell on the ground.

"Ow! I think I made a boo-boo!" cried Paul.

"I'm telling!" cried James.

Nikki closed the door to Mike's office. She then looked at Mike. _Why am I so attracted to him?Is it his hair? The power? His cute butt? _"How come there are no other men like you?" she asked sweetly.

"Maybe because I'm the deputy mayor of the greatest city in the world?" he asked running his hand through his hair.

"No," replied Nikki. "There's something else." She started to get closer to Mike.

"Is it my power?" Mike asked.

"No," said Nikki, who was walking closer towards Mike. She started to feel her lips pucker. Slowly, she came closer and closer to Mike, but as they were about to kiss…

"Go long, Paul!" shouted the mayor from the other room. Mike and Nikki banged their heads against each other's and opened Mike's door to find the mayor playing "Keep Away" with the idiots in the other room. The mayor threw Rags towards James, but Carter caught him.

"YES! YES! OH, YEAH! IN YOUR FACE, JAMES! WHO DA MAN? CARTER DA MAN!" Carter shouted as he did a little victory dance. Mike and Nikki just saw the dumb people become dumber.

Later that day, the mayor and Mike were holding a meeting regarding the chocoholic community. Of course, about twenty reporters were there to cover this story for the evening news alter that night.

"Welcome, chocoholic community of New York City," said the mayor. Everyone in the chocoholic community felt edgy, had chocolate on their shirts, and hurt those who didn't like chocolate. The mayor was one of those people. "Now, as most of you know, I am the mayor and I don't care for chocolate that much."

"HE DOESN'T CARE FOR CHOCOLATE?" screamed a chocoholic man. "YOU MONSTER!"

"I said I don't care for _chalk_ that much," he said.

"Hey! If you don't like chalk, you don't care about public schools," shouted a teacher. More cameras went off.

" I told you I don't like public schools," said the mayor. "They don't teach our kids anything." Mike makes the slashing motion on his neck. "Uh, I mean chalk and chocolate are good, everything else bad. Mayor out," the mayor said quickly. He then grabbed a small gift that the community promised him out of some guy's jacket and left the room, leaving Mike majorly screwed.

As soon as the mayor got to his office and sat down in his chair, he opened the gift and Paul barged in.

"What'ya bring me? What'ya bring me? What'ya bring me?" Paul kept asking as he jumped up and down repeatedly.

"I don't know. I just swiped it from some guy from the meeting," he replied. He opened the gift to find two golden…rod tickets printed on goldenrod colored paper to some chocolate factory located in New Jersey. The tickets read:

**ONE FREE TOUR **

This ticket is good for one free tour to the chocolate factory in Weehawken, New Jersey (You can't miss it. It's the only one in the state). You can bring two friends, but no pets that are hairy and shed constatly. If you can read this, you don't need glasses. If you can read this, you are weird and unholy, but have really good eyesight. SEE YOU THERE! "I can't read this," said the mayor squinting. "Once Fire Tree?" He shrugged and left the office to tell everyone else the good news. Paul followed. "Hey, everyone! Guess what?" 

"You're gonna give me a raise?" asked James.

"Of course not. Where do I have that kind of money?" he replied. "No, I just got two tickets to some chocolate factory, and I'm taking everyone with me! Mike, you may have the second ticket." He didn't give the ticket to Mike.

"But there are only two tickets," said Carter. "You can't take all of us."

Mike took his ticket from the mayor and read it. "But we _can _take two friends with us each," he said. "But 'no pets that are hairy or shed constantly.' Huh. Guess we can't take Paul then."

"MIKE!" shouted Paul.

"Face it," said Mike. "You're an animal."

"We can't take Rags, either," said Carter holding the dog. "Dogs aren't supposed to have chocolate, especially Rags. If he gets near it, he'll have a dangerous allergic reaction and possibly die." Right as he said that, Rags' eyes lit up.

_Take me now, _he thought. _Bring me to mom._

"Now, I don't want to be mean choosing," said the mayor. "But I'll take…Janelle."

"That's okay," said Janelle. Janelle was a black woman who was also the mayor's assisstant (a.k.a the voice of reason) "I don't like chocolate that much."

"MONSTER!" shouted a chocoholic from the other room.

"Paul, did you forget to take them back to their homes?" asked Mike.

"Uh…no," replied Paul nervously.

" I don't feel like going, either," said Nikki. "I went to one last year, but I bet it wouldn't be as fun." She remembered last year when she went to a chocolate factory and made-out with an employee.

"Okay," said the mayor. " I guess I'll take…Carter and…"

"Pick me! Pick me! Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!" shouted Paul, raising his hand and jumping up and down repeatedly.

"Paul, I guess," sighed the mayor.

"YES! YES! YES!" yelled Paul.

"I'll take Stacey and…" Mike looked at Stuart and James.

"Can I go, Mike?" asked James. "I've never been to a chocolate factory before."

"Why would you?" asked Stuart. "I heard on the news that some guy from Wisconsin died in a chocolate factory, so to avoid suspicion, employees put him in a batter of chocolate and sold it to people from the area he was from."

"Really?" asked James who actually believed him.

"Yeah," said Stuart. "But if you _want _to go, you can."

"N-no, Stuart. Y-you can go," said James who was frightened by the lie.

"Okay," said Stuart. "Sucker." He walked over towards the group that was going.

"I guess Stuart's coming with us," said Mike. He looked at the clock. The time read 3:00 "We'll be back by tomorrow afternoon." As soon as he said that, the six of them (plus Rags) left, leaving Janelle, Nikki, and James alone.

"You do know he was lying, don't you James?" asked Nikki.

"Of course I do," said James. "I'm not gullible."

"Oh my God! There's a UFO outside!" yelled Janelle from Mike's office who was lying.

"Oh my GOD! Help! We're under attack!" James hid under his desk.

"You have _got _to get help. Big time," said Nikki.

And so, Mike and the gang piled up in one of the mayor's limosuines and headed for the chocolate factory, while Janelle and Nikki were going to help James with his problem of gullibility.

To Be Continued…


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Everyone was piled in the limo to the chocolate factory, but it got a little crowded.

"I can't breathe!" gasped Stacey.

A little while later, Paul fell asleep on Carter, the mayor fell asleep on Mike, and Stuart kept trying to do it with Stacey, but there wasn't enough room or air.

About 20 minutes later, a sign overhead read, " 10 miles to State's Only Chocolate Factory. Our's is fun. Don't go to Hershey!"

"I like ponies," mumbled Paul in his sleep. "Do you like ponies? I like mine with grefertzweraaaaaaaaaaaaa_…_" He started to mumble things in his sleep. As did the mayor, except he started to drool on Mike's jacket.

" Help. Help! I'm being attack by Grandma! HELP!" shouted the mayor. Paul woke up from the screaming.

"I'll buy a vowel!" Paul shouted and knocked against Stuart. Stuart banged his head against the door. Stacey started kicking Stuart, but then hit Carter. Carter attempted to splash Stacey with some wine, but splashed it on the mayor.

"What happened?" he asked quickly. Everyone glared at the mayor. "What?"

Paul looked out the window. "Hey, we're here!" he said.

"Hello, Hershey, Transylvania!" said the mayor.

"Uh, sir," said Mike. "There's no such place."

"Oh. Hello, Hershey, Pennsylvania!"

"Actually, we're in Weehawken, New Jersey."

As soon as the limo parked, everyone got out and was awe-strucken. They saw a gigantic building painted in burnt ornage, trees surrounded the building, and friendly children came out and said the mayor's name…at least that's what the mayor expected. The building was made of brick, shrubs with half the leaves gone partially surrounded, and a few midgets were smoking outside by the side door.

"What the hell is all this?" asked Stuart who expected something different. "Where are the little orange guys?" asked Paul.

" Paul, they're not real," said Stacey. "Are they, Mike?"

Mike shrugged. All of a sudden, the rusted gates to the chocolate factory started to open, but about half way, they got stuck.

"SON OF A—" shouted a guy angerily from behind a shrub. He got out from behind the shrub and pushed it himself. The guy was dressed in a maroon suit with a top hat and tail behind the jacket. He had spiky blonde hair below the hat and was covered in dirt.

"Hey, it's Willy Wernka!" said Stuart.

"You know his name?" asked Mike.

"Who, that guy?" asked Stuart. "No, that's what I call my wang when it's awoken." He looked at Stacey. Stacey felt unprotected.

"My name is Billy Germania," said the guy in a whimsical voice.

Everyone started laughing.

"That's my real name," said Billy. The laughing stopped. "I assume that you're the guy who won these tickets?"

"Yes. Won," said the mayor nervously.

"Actually," said Mike, "he's the mayor of New York City, and I'm the deputy mayor. He spoke out to the chocoholic community and got these as a gift."

"Whatever," said Billy. The mayor and Mike handed Billy their tickets. "Welcome to Billy Germainia's Chocolate Factory!" he proclaimed.

"YEA!" shouted everyone as they walked through the gates to an unexpected adventure.

Meanwhile, back at City Hall…

"James, there are some things in life you shouldn't fall for," said Nikki. "You don't want to end up like the last speech writer the mayor had."

"What happened?" asked James.

"Well," started Janelle, "when he called the mayor a little s.o.b, he got fired, was put on New York's Most Wanted list, and is now dead."

"Really?" asked James. "But I muttered that about him two days ago." He pictured his face on a huge "WANTED" sign and having the police chasing him.

"No," said Janelle.

The thought disappeared. "Oh," sighed James.

"We're going to help you through this. We're going to tell you stories and I want to tell us if they're real or not. Ready?" asked Nikki.

James nodded his head.

"Okay. Once upon a time… there was an ugly old man… his name was Gahbunga! Anyway, Gahbunga walked down the street to find a cat, but this was no ordinary cat, but a very sick cat. Gahbunga was a homeless man, but he did whatever he could to treat it back to health. A few days later, this cat became better, but it turns out that the cat belonged to a very rich man, and the cat ran away. The man was given $10,000 and a kitten from the new litter."

James thought for a little bit. "Not true."

"Actually," said Nikki. "It was."

"Now, since the tour is scheduled to begin at 9:00 tomorrow morning, and since I know you took _so long_ to arrive…"

No one bothered to mention that the trip took only half an hour.

"I've arranged for you to stay overnight at—"

Paul suddenly cut in, as giddy as a little boy. "You mean we'll get to stay in the chocolate factory where the walls are made out of chocoalte and we get to eat the chocolate walls and then we get kicked out for eating the chocolate walls? Oh boy! I'm glad I didn't eat that extra Big Mac!"

"Actually," said Billy, "you'll be staying across the street at Howard Johnson's."

"You're not talking about that crappy motel where everyone gets food poisoning at the restaurant?" complained Stacey in her whiny Brooklyn accent.

"No, you'll be staying at my friend Howard Johnson's place. I should warn you, though, he's a little bonkers," whispered Billy.

Mike looked across the street to see an old guy wearing tattered clothes and messy hair throwing cats at them.

Stuart examined the man more closely. "Hey, wait a minute. Isn't that Old Man Gahbunga?"

"No. Now go over to Gahbunga's—I mean, HOWARD JOHNSON's place." The gates would have banged shut if they hadn't stopped halfway. "I have got to get new gates!" Billy slammed the gates shut with his own two hands.

"Okay, James," said Janelle, " a man and a woman from Transylvania met over the internet and they fell in love, and the internet relationship lasted for three months until they met in person. Anyway, they got married and had a kid. They named him Yahoo because of the famous website."

"Hmmm," James thought. "I said false for the last one, so I'll go with…true!"

"False," said Janelle and Nikki at the same time. "This'll take all night."

Back in New Jersey…

"What do you mean I don't have enough money?" snapped the mayor. They were in the lobby of some cheap motel as the mayor realized he didn't have enough money for a hotel.

"Well, sir, I don't think you should've spent that $20 on that dumb shirt," said Mike. The mayor held up a shirt that said "I make stuff up."

"What? I find it funny! Look, Paul. I make stuff up."

"No kidding," said Paul.

The receptionist typed up something on his computer. "Well, Mr. Mayor. It turns out we have a room for you and your friends after all."

"Great! I don't care what it looks like," he said happily.

When the six of them got to their room, all that was in there was a king-sized bed and a TV.

"Uh-oh," said the mayor. "There's only one bed."

"As long as Stacey and I get it, it's fine," said Stuart. Stacey gave him the look.

"Okay, so there's one bed and six of us. How are we going to do this?" asked Mike.

Five minutes later, everyone is crowded onto the bed.

"Nice going, Mike!" said Stuart. "I could've had a perfect evening with Stace—OW! Someone kicked me!"

"I kicked you!" said Stacey. "Hey, stop touching my butt!"

"My bad," said Paul. "Someone's touching _my_ butt!"

"That's me!" said Carter.

"Can I turn off the light? The lightbulb is burning my hand," said the mayor with his hand on top of the lamp.

"Everyone! Just go to sleep!" said Mike. The mayor, sighed with relief, turned off the light and everyone thought that so far, this was a bad idea.

To Be Continued…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The next morning, at about 8:45 am, Mike was the first one to wake up, only to find himself, as well as everyone else, strapped onto a wall by rope, already dressed in different clothes.

"Guys? Guys? HEY! WAKE UP!" screamed Mike. Everyone woke up to his screaming.

"What the—" said Stuart. He looked down to find himself strapped between Carter and Paul. "Damn."

"OH MY GOD! I'M DEAD!" screamed Paul.

"I'm in hell!" said Stuart as he looked at Stacey, who was on the other side of Carter, but she was trying to weasel out of the ropes, but they were too tight.

"Good morning, everyone!" said Billy in his whismical voice as he entered the room. " I trust you slept well, since you never stayed at my friend's house, so I sent my hired goons to search and get you for my tour."

"Hired goons?" asked the mayor.

"Yes," said Billy, pointing to three midgets with orange skin, green hair and in wacky suits. "My goons: Ug, Moosh, and Okikowaka."

"My name's Larry," said the one known as "Okikowaka."

"What a car-azy language!" said Billy. "Anyway, you're dressed, we shoved breakfast down your throats, and your stuff is packed in your car. Ug, Okikowaka! Un-tie these people!" Larry and Bert untied the City Hall members, as they rubbed whatever hurt from the rope burns.

"Now then," said Billy, "let's start the tour." Everyone followed Billy down a pink hall with chocolate dripping from the top. Paul was looking at the chocolate and started licking his lips. Mike thought, _This is so dumb._

_He's gay,_ thought Stuart.

_He's gay! _thought Carter.

Soon enough, they went down a hall that Paul thought was getting narrower and narrower. Turns out he was was just fat.

"Now, this part is really meant for little kids," said Billy.

"But we're kids in spirit!" said Paul.

"Fine," groaned Billy. He opened the door as everyone gazed at the glory of…the Chocolate Room. The Chocolate Room was the size of the Superdome and it had _everything_ candy-related: chocolate flowers, raspberry-glazed banzai trees, even a candy river. Paul started to hyperventilate.

"Can I go? Can I go? Can I go?" asked Paul with giddiness.

"If you want to," said Billy. Paul ran like a little kid and dived right onto the chocolate flowers and ate them. He ran into the vanilla shrubs and gobbled them up.

"Hey! Save some for the slaves! This is the only food they get!" scolded Billy. Everyone stared at him. "I-I mean, uh, _LITTLE KIDS _that come here!"

Paul didn't listen. He just ate whatever came in front of him.

"Hey, Paul, you better listen to him," said Mike. "This whole thing seems—"

All of a sudden, Paul fell in some river made out of candy.

"…Familiar," said Mike.

"Wait a minute!" said Stuart. "Isn't that river supposed to be made out of chocolate?"

"No," said Billy. "To aviod certain copyrights, this river is made out of _butterscotch_!"

"Help! I can't swim in sticky stuff!" yelled Paul. "SOMEONE HELP!" No one bothered to help Paul. He went down the river and up a large tube into the ceiling.

"What the hell just happened?" asked Stacey.

"Nothing," said Billy. "I told him this was meant for kids, but he didn't listen." He took a flute and played a tune, and these midgets came out from behind the doors. All of a sudden, this music started playing in the background.

"♪♪_Grumpa lumpa gobblety gotch, this is what happens when you fall in butterscotch. Grumpa lumpa gobblety gar, you're just lucky you got this far._

"♪_What do you get when you're really fat? You fall in candy and that is that. Why do you always eat fattening things like cheese? Maybe it's because you can't please…your wife or anyone else! _

"♪_Grumpa lumpa gobblety gube, maybe it's best that you're stuck in a tube. We'll remember what happened here, grumpa lumpa gobblety gere!_♫"

One of the midgets pulled a lever and Paul out of the tube and taken away by the midgets as everyone watched. "That was amazing! Now, follow me."said Billy. Everyone followed Billy into the other room. Mike looked back at the river and what he just saw. _What the hell is going on?

* * *

_

"Okay, so that _did _take all night," said Nikki, who was exhausted from the last 10 hours at City Hall, along with Janelle to make James less gullible. "But this has to work."

"I can't help it. I thought those burgers were made of beef!"

"They are!" yelled Janelle.

"You told me they were made of worm meat!" yelled James.

Everyone started yelling at once.

"All right! This is going nowhere! I'm going to tell you what is real and what isn't!" yelled Nikki. "Pixies are not real! Dragons are not real! There's no such thing as a candy monster…"

* * *

"…and here is the room where my associates think of ideas for candy and treats for all the children of New Jersey," said Billy. Everyone looked through the window to find all these businessmen talking, but you can't hear a word. "Let's listen!" Billy pushed a button next to a speaker. 

"…So what if someone's arm fell in the chocolate? If they don't sue, we're fine!" said a businessmam inside. Everyone stared at Billy, who looked frantically for the off button.

He lead them into a small laboratory with machines and it smelled like a combination of chocolate, butterscotch, regular scotch, and cheap wine.

"This is the invention room! This is where all the approved ideas for candy are made and tested on lab mice!" said Billy as he pointed to lab mice whom half were either dead or running into each other. "We have just about chocolate-covered anything! Chocolate-covered earrings, chocolate-covered computers, even chocolate-covered chocolate!"

"What's this?" asked Stuart pointing to a small chocolate candy that looked like a pill. "It looks as yummy as James' chocolate Christmas set (actually Spin City episode)" Stuart takes the chocolate and eats it.

"NO! That's a candy that I didn't want you to eat! Especially you!" scolded Billy.

"Why?" asked Stuart. "It tastes great!" He ate more of the chocolate. "I feel more…manly!" He grinned happily, then his grin went to a face of discomfort. He looked down to find his wang was growing bigger and bigger.

"That's my chocolate-covered Viagra! The more you eat, the bigger your wang becomes!" said Billy.

"Thanks for the lesson, professor. I ALREADY KNEW THAT!" shouted Stuart. He glanced over at Stacey. Stacey stared at Stuart's wang, which was rising steadily. Stuart took a piece of metal and hid his wang behind it.

"AAAAH!" screamed Stuart, who was in horrible pain.

"Oh, dear," said Billy. He took out his whistle and played a tune. Ten midgets came out from behind the machines and surrounded Stuart.

"♪_Grumpa lumpa, gobblety gra, this is what happens if you eat chocolate Viagra. Grumpa lumpa gobblety gang, if you eat too much, you'll have a big wang._

"♪ _What possessed you to eat this stuff? Life with a big wang sure will be tough. Girls will not want to go out with you. I bet guys won't even look at you! Even if they are gay!_

"♪_Grumpa lumpa gobblety ginus—"_

"I think we heard enough," said Billy. "Just take him to the dungeon's bathroom, where he will be tied up for a few hours and be deprived of women. Take him away!" Two midgets grabbed Stuart by his arms and carried him away.

"Now, then," said Billy. "Let's forget about him and proceed." As Billy led Carter, Stacey, the mayor, and Mike out of the room, Mike thought about Paul and Stuart.

_Something's wrong about this. I'll find out,_ he thought as he left the room.

To Be Continued…


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

So far on the tour, Paul and Stuart had bad experiences at the factory, and something was up. What was the special prize? Some stupid "life-time supply" of chocolate? A huge party with shriners and clowns and a big-ass piñata? No one knew for sure.

"The next room on the tour is the testing room," said Billy, "where hundreds of candies are tested everyday for odor, taste, bacteria, and ability to sell.

"Of course, our previous taste-tester turned out that he couldn't taste anything, so hundreds of children were sent to hospitals one December mourn. So, does anyone know the history of chocolate?"

" Ah, yes," said Carter, who looked like whatever he would say would be a looooooooong and tedious speech. "The cocoa bean was discovered and used by the Aztec people back in the 15th century…"

Mike couldn't stand it any longer. He saw a piece of candy that said, "StickJaw," opened it, and shoved it in Carter's mouth. Carter started chewing it.

"Hey, I like it. It tastes like a strawberry daiquiraaaaaa!" His jaw started to snap shut. He tried to pry it open with his hands, but it wouldn't budge. "Mhmm mmm mm mhhm?" asked Carter.

"Nicoglutinousmonopexterate gum, or the more popular name, StickJaw. It's a _stick _of gum that shuts your _jaw_," said Billy.

"Mhmmm mhmm mm mhh mh mhmmmh?"

Billy took out his whistle and played a tune on it. Five midgets came out and formed a circle around Carter.

"_♪ Grumpa lumpa gobblety guck, you won't survive if your jaw is stuck. Grumpa lumpa gobblety gay, gibberish is the only thing you can say._

_"♪ It's a good time to talk when you're in a group, but it's a bad time when you're the only one speaking—"_

"Hey, wait a minute," said the mayor. "That doesn't rhyme!"

"Shut up, killjoy, we're not finished yet," said one of the midgets.

"_♪ We knew of a guy who just wouldn't stop, and one day, his jaw rusted and started squeaking._

"Grumpa lumpa gobblety gup, remember your manners and SHUT THE HELL UP!" Four of them took Carter away, and the fifth followed closely behind with a crowbar.

"We're dropping like flies…around Paul…when he hasn't showered in three days," said Mike.

"Moving on," said Billy. The only three that remained were Mike, Stacey and the mayor.

The next, and possibly last, room on the tour was the room where the chocolate was melted, molded, and shipped out. This week's invention: microwavable chcolate.

" Microwavable chocolate?" asked Mike.

"Yes! You see, this is a special kind of chocolate that when we freeze it, and you microwave it, it'll be warm, but it won't melt."

The mayor leaned over the ledge, where he saw a huge machine mix up some of the about-to-be frozen chocolate.

"So it actually freezes, huh?" asked the mayor. "Can I eat some?"

"No," said Billy. "You can't because we're still trying to work the bugs out of it, and—"

The mayor leaned over, but he fell in the huge mixing pot. Chocolate splattered everywhere.

"Hey, this is good chocolate!" said the mayor. He started drinking whatever surrounded him. All of a sudden, his feet started to freeze with ice.

"What the hell is that?" asked Mike with fear in his voice.

"Why are my legs turning into ice?" asked the mayor.

"I told you," said Billy, "we're working out the bugs! This is the same thing that happened to one of the lab mice!" He pointed to a lab mouse who was frozen in place, as if he were trying to escape.

The mayor was already chest-high covered in ice, and the ice kept going up.

"DO SOMETHING!" screamed Mike at Billy, but the mayor was shoulder-length in ice.

"Relax, Mike," said the mayor. "I'll be fi—" Before he could finish his sentence, he was fully covered in ice. Frozen solid.

Billy took out his whistle and played a tune. Six midgets came out from behind the bowl and broke out in song.

"♪ _Grumpa lumpa gobblety grozen, if you eat this stuff, you'll be frozen. Grumpa lumpa gobblety grew it, we can't think up more words, so just screw it!"_

"Hey!" yelled Billy. "I don't pay you to not sing! You just used up today's bathroom break!"

"Hard-ass," said one of the midgets to himself.

"I heard that!" said Billy. Five midgets took the mayor out of the pot and carried him out, while the sixth one took a big ol' lighter to the next room.

"Well, I guess that means—" Billy saw Mike and Stacey standing right there. "There are two winners. That can't be right."

"What the hell just happened?" asked Stacey in her whiney voice.

"Come to my office. I'll decide who the winner," said Billy. Mike and Stacey looked at each other as if another bad thing was going to happen.

* * *

"…unicorns are not real, and Jim Morrison is dead!" said Nikki, whose voice was tired form the long list of what's real, what's not real, and who's dead. "Now, do you understand why Stuart is trying to tease you?"

"Because he wants my money?" asked James.

"Exactly," said Nikki, who felt like she just accomplished something.

Janelle looked at the clock, which read 2:05 p.m. "Where's Mike? He said he'd be back soon.

When Mike and Stacey were standing outside Billy's office, with Billy screaming inside. They didn't know what the heck was going on.

"What do you think he's doing?" asked Stacey. "Do you think he's deciding the winner? Or upset because we both won?"

"Who knows, Stace," said Mike.

Inside Billy's office, Billy was playing a video game, screaming at a character because he was losing. He turned off the game and looked over security videos because he thought someone cheated.

After about 10 minutes, he figured it out.

"Michael! Stacey! Come in here," he said. Mike and Stacey came in.

"Finally! What's going on?" asked Mike.

"I know what you did…Michael," said Billy.

"What?" asked Mike in confusion. "I didn't do anything!"

"You cheated," said Billy. "I have this tape." He put the tape inside the VCR and it showed Carter talking about the history of the cocoa bean.

_ "The cocoa bean was discovered and used by the Aztec people back in the 15th century, and they didn't just used it for eating, they used it for—"_

On the screen, Mike opened Carter's mouth and shoved the StickJaw gum in his mouth. Mike was flabbergasted. He didn't remember doing anything like that.

"T-t-that can't be! I was voted "Nicest Deputy Mayor of New York!" said Mike.

"Sad to say, it is. Oh, well. You lose," said Billy. "So, Stacey, I guess that means you win!" All of a sudden, these balloons drop and trumpets play in the background.

"C'mon, Stace," said Mike. "Let's go get everyone else."

"Wait, Mike," said Stacey. "So what's my prize? A year's supply of chocolate?"

"Nope," said Billy.

"A car?"

"Nope."

"Cash?"

"Nope."

"Then, what?" asked Stacey, who was anxious to know what she won.

" A PITY DATE WITH ME!" shouted Billy with a huge grin on his face.

"Okay, Mike," said Stacey. "Run!" They both ran for their lives, but also trying to find everyone else. First, they found Paul, who just took a bath, but still had butterscotch on his clothes.

Next, they found Carter, who had lifts in his mouth to prevent his jaw from shutting.

Then, they found Stuart, who had to wear a metal cast around his wang so it wouldn't move.

Then, they found the mayor, who was in a giant microwave, trying to get the ice off. Everyone waited for the mayor to go back to normal, which took about five minutes. After the mayor could move again, everyone ran out as fast as they could, with Billy and some midget guards chasing them with guns.

"SHUT THE GATES!" screamed Billy as the City Hall members were nearing the entrance. The gates started to close, but it got stuck. Everyone got out, except Paul and Mike, because the gates shut all the way. Mike reacted fast by spotting a fence. It was too high to climb, and was electrified on the top. He then noticed a small hole underneath the fence that he could fit through.

"Paul! Over here!" said Mike running towards the hole. He dug through the dirt and got through as Billy and the guards came outside.

"My pants!" groaned Mike, as he ripped a hole in his pants on his butt, so you could see his underwear. He ran towards the car and leapt inside."C'mon, Paul!"

Paul started digging, but the guards were closing in fast. Paul tried to squeeze through the hole. He was gliding through, until his butt got stuck.

"I knew I shouldn't of had that extra butterscotch!" he groaned.

"C'mon, Paul!" said Stuart. "Squeeze your fat ass through the gate!"

"I'm stuck!" whined Paul.

Mike got out of the car and tried to pull Paul through. He realized that Paul's butt was tighter than the city's budget on policemen.

"Paul, think of, uh, Big Macs!"

Paul relaxed his butt and slid right out and landed on Mike. They both got into the car, and drove away just as the guards took their guns out and aimed at Paul.

"Let 'em go, boys," said Billy with a slur. "I have a feeling this won't be the last we'll see of those damn toilets!"

"He must have been drinking," said one of the guards. Billy fainted on the ground, and the midgets pulled Billy back inside the factory.

Half an hour later, everyone got back to City Hall, and they were exhausted. They all went to the lounge and they all collapsed on the floor. Nikki, Janelle, and James found them all together.

"How was the tour?" asked Janelle.

"I bet you guys had a lot of fun," said James.

Mike glared at James, who was a little scared at that point. James hid behind Nikki.

* * *

The next day, Mike was in his office, organizing papers. A knock was heard at the door.

"Come in," said Mike.

Nikki walked in and walked over towards Mike. "Hey."

"Hey."

" I bet you had it hard, didn't you?"

"Nawh. I guess it was kinda exciting. It wasn't all bad." He stood out from behind his desk. Nikki started laughing. Mike remembered he had a hole in his pants from earlier. He sat back down. "So, how was your day?"

"It was okay. I think we finally got to James."

"What do you mean?"

"Janelle and I made James a little less gullible. I hope. And just a little while ago, I met this new cute guy at the bar."

"What's his name?" asked Mike.

"His name's William, and I think he works with some sort of food." Nikki walked out the door as Mike watched, only to find Billy Germania waiting for Nikki, only this time, his hair was well-groomed, he wasn't wearing a stupid purple hat, and wasn't followed by midgets in weird costumes. Mike was speechless.

"I told you we'd meet again, Flaherty," he said, as he walked Nikki to the movies, leaving Mike alone and speechless.

* * *

**Epilogue**

Later that day, James walked up to Stuart.

"Stuart, I am getting sick of you telling me these lies all the time. So stop it!"

"I'm sorry," said Stuart. "But I guess now you don't want to know about the butterscotch monster."

"Yeah, right," said James in disbelief.

"What? You don't believe me? See for yourself." Stuart took out a picture of Paul covered in butterscotch and still in the tube, with his face stretched out.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHH!" screamed James as he ran for his life out the door.

"Heh heh heh," smirked Stuart. "Thanks, Paul!" Paul came out from behind the hallway.

"That'll be 10 bucks, Stuart," he said as Stuart took out his wallet.

**THE END**


End file.
